A Monument in Horsley-Down Church, Cumberland, England, bears the following singular and admonitory inscription (1768):
Here lie the bodies Of Thomas Bond and Mary his wife.
She was temperate, chaste, and charitable;
She was proud, peevish, and passionate.
She was an affectionate wife, and a tender mother;
Her husband and child, whom she loved,
Seldom saw her countenance without a disgusting
Whilst she received visitors, whom she despised, with
an endearing smile.
Her behaviour was discreet towards strangers;
Independent in her family.
Abroad, her conduct was influenced by good breeding;
At home, by ill temper.
She was a professed enemy to flattery,
And was seldom known to praise or commend;
The talents in which she principally excelled, Were difference of
opinion, and discovering flaws and imperfections.
She was an admirable economist,
And, without prodigality,
Dispensed plenty to every person in her family;
Would sacrifice their eyes to a farthing candle.
She sometimes made her husband happy with her good qualities;
Much more frequently miserable — with her many failings:
Insomuch that in thirty years cohabitation he often lamented
That maugre all her virtues,
He had not, in the whole, enjoyed two years of matrimonial comfort.
Finding that she had lost the affections of her husband,
As well as the regard of her neighbours,
Family disputes having been divulged by servants,
She died of vexation, July 20, 1768, Aged 48 years.
Her worn out husband survived her four months and two days,
And departed this life, Nov. 28, 1768,
In the 54th year of his age.
William Bond, brother to the deceased, erected this
As a weekly monitor to the surviving wives of
That they may avoid the infamy
Of having their memories handed to posterity
With a Patch Work character.
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